You’re there quietly on your saddle pedaling calmito in town, and suddenly you have to manage all the people who live around you. Already it sucks, but on top of that, here is a list of people who necessarily purposely break your candy when you ride.
1. This creep that doesn’t indicate it’s running
It goes in arm’s length.
2. This stupid car that parked on the bike path
With his big stinky SUV there.
3. This jerk who honks at anything that moves
With his stinky old doorbell there.
4. This jerk who drives two an hour and doesn’t let you pass
So yeah she’s 70 but what the hell do I give a fuck?
5. This jerk who thinks he’s in the Tour de France and drives at 70km/h
Olala it’s true yes hurry up, with this speed you will save 2 minutes on your delay.
6. This pedestrian bugger who walks calmly on the track and who does not want to move her mother
Did you think we were on the melon section of the Saturday market?
7. Those suckers who ride side by side on the bike path when you’re in a hurry
We’re not shisha go chat in the channel please.
8. This creep who honks behind while you talk quietly with your friend on the bike path
Dude, can’t you see we’re chatting quietly taking the whole bike path?
9. This freak on a scooter who thought the bike path was a road
Its objective is to put mandalas to the highway code.
10. This jerk parked at the edge of the track and who opens the door of her car just as you arrive
And the mirrors are for your grandfather the part-time butcher?
11. This bugger on an electric bike that tracks uphill and taunts you
The rich piss me off.
12. This badass on a not-at-all-electric bike that doesn’t go uphill at all
Poor people piss me off.
13. This jerk who tells you how to ride when he rides nonsense
He passes you, tells you you should be careful, then goes off to burn a fire and smash a stroller with his iep.
14. This jerk who has a bike that’s way too expensive to be able to lend it out.
It’s so expensive that she never uses it for fear of damaging it.
15. This jerk who thinks he’s got class while freestyling
It’s Y all over the tarmac.
16. This jerk who honks your horn when you’ve been away for 30 minutes
Girl I’m literally glued to the sidewalk, so go ahead double me and end your life in the gutter.
17. This jerk who brakes suddenly in front of you
With his creaky old bike there.
18. This jerk who runs red lights and gives cyclists a bad image
19. This jerk who respects the rules of the road too much, this boloss
Frankly abused too.
20. This jerk rolling on the sidewalk between pedestrians
Want to insult his whole family on his father’s side.
21. This jerk riding around on her buddy’s handlebars
In fashion, it’s freedom. Yeah please be free on the ring road.
22. This creep that takes up all the space on the bike garage
With his old locks that aren’t even Kryptonite.
23. This jerk who parked her bike on yours
She thought she was at the fair or what?
24. This jerk who throws bananas at you to make you slip
We are not in Mario Kart in fact.
25. This jerk who drives at night and has no phosphorescent objects
It ends up in the ditch well done for you go pay your taxes now.
26. This stupid kid who can’t ride
Dude you’re 3 years old and you can’t ride? Are you drunk or what?
27. This creepy old man who can’t ride
Does he have arthritis in his eyes or what?
28. This jerk who has a nicer bike than you
“Sorry, I only drive a vintage Peugeot”. I’m going to salt your glass of water, you won’t understand what’s happening to you.
29. This jerk who derails on the bike path and does not want to move his big dead
Let him go and insert his whole family.
30. This jerk who tries your bike and falls
My vintage Peugeot bike olala I’m going to erase you.
The worst is you, you hate Humanity and it shows too much.