Hi little friends, isn’t the recovery too hard? Only three short days left before the end of August and even when there’s no more back to school to worry about, it’s a little weird. The upside is that we’ll soon be able to get back into our stylish fall outfits and watch the chimney fire YouTube videos without sweating profusely. In the meantime, we deliver the top tweets right on time, like every Monday!
MONDAY AUGUST 22
2. It takes up more space than a filing cabinet
3. “There’s a time when every straight guy has to make a choice: scoff at astrology or have a chance at sex.”
TUESDAY AUGUST 23
4. It’s crazy
5. “Last night I told my 4 year old daughter I loved her and she said, ‘I love you so much if someone cut your head off I’d carry it with me in a bag to still”
6. “The streets look so much like an anime ‘think a Japanese guy ever thought ‘looks like Family Guy’ while strolling through an American suburb?”
7. The character no one wants to have
8. “When I broke my ass in the mall and no one laughed. A group of teenagers were worried about my health, they called me ‘sir’ and helped me up.”
“Tell a time when you really felt old”
WEDNESDAY AUGUST 24
9. “Leaving 10 minutes late to meet up with a friend when I’ve spent the last 12 hours laying on my couch”
10. And it will be well deserved
11. To my love – Beloved husband, father and adulteress. Yes John, I am aware.
12. I’m not trying to steal from you, I’m just trying to help you!
THURSDAY AUGUST 25
13. I’m getting married in Fortnite
FRIDAY AUGUST 26
15. The disdain is palpable
SATURDAY AUGUST 27
16. Makes sense, we should all do this
17. Even if it’s a joke it doesn’t work
19. A Boring Family Sitcom
SUNDAY AUGUST 28
21. So he will never get away…
22. How I would have had too much seum
23. A Real Curse
24. “If there’s one thing I was meant to do, it’s to be in the passenger seat.”
25. “Growing up, you realize Carlo wasn’t the bad guy, SpongeBob was just insufferable”
If you didn’t laugh, you don’t have to say it because otherwise I’m actually going to cry. Thanks.