1. The fitting rooms
Already, it’s often much too supervised, so you risk ending up at the station before you even have reached orgasm. And then who wants to do that right in the middle of plastic hangers, in the smell of new underpants? Nobody.
2. Nightclub toilets
It’s hardly if we want to do the little errand there, so just imagine ken in this place which brings together almost all the bacteria in the world, it’s no thank you. And then every time it’s going to suck because you’ll be too drunk. All the more reason to abstain.
3. The beach
Even well out of sight, even on a large towel, you will always end up putting sand where you didn’t want to put it. Yes yes, you understood very well where. So we avoid.
4. The swimming pool or the jacuzzi
You want fungus, fungus and other bacteria in your genitals? Do you want to suffer martyrdom because water prevents lubrication? You want to fuck your hair in two and a half minutes? If you answered yes to all these questions, then go for it, the pistol is made for you. Otherwise, you can get out of the water and go dry off to do your stuff warm in your bed.
5. Threesomes
Be careful, this is not a definite no to threesomes. We just beg you not to do it with a friend to avoid awkward moments afterwards (especially if it goes badly) or with people who are only interested in one person in the couple. It could be a bit boring for the one who will be sidelined (and it could well be you… Think about it…).
6. The camping tent
Already, you have every chance of ruining your precarious installation and having no place to sleep tonight. You also risk being clearly visible to other campers if you leave your flashlight on (the Chinese shadows, all that, you know). But above all, there is a 100% chance that all your neighbors will hear you and that your moment will be ruined by people who are not happy or who are a little mocking. Clearly not the most aphrodisiac thing on earth.
7. The car
I’d like to tell you that apart from the fact that you can get fined 135€ for exhibitionism if you get caught, cashier sesque is the best invention on the planet. But this is not the case. Because banging your head against the ceiling, getting the handbrake in your ass, and bumping your elbow against the horn, that’s a lot for just one part of your legs in the air.
8. Cinema
Yes, even if you are watching a Thai film with German subtitles, you risk being spotted by other viewers and getting kicked out of the cinema right away. Too bad, at 12€ per seat, it might be worth waiting to be in your stake to unpack the tools.
9. Le strip-tease
It can be tempting to undress by twerking on You can leave your hat on of Joe Cocker to heat up his partner. But in reality, it is likely to be more embarrassing than anything else when your head is stuck in your turtleneck and you have to hop on one foot to remove your sock.
10. The video
“Hello, it’s me, hacker, I’m willing to give you back your sextape with your boyfriend/girlfriend if you give me the keys to your car and your Netflix and Canal + codes. This is what will happen if you do sex through a camera. Good luck figuring it out afterwards.
